Even though I didn’t enjoy the manga or anime that much (Paradise Kiss), I have it running in the background now while I have some food. I am one of those people that believe you can never get anywhere in life without a university degree. But is that really true? It’s one thing to have a degree to fall back on when something goes wrong, but it is another to go out there and do your own thing and get paid for it. From what I can see… it’s not a lot of people that have the guts to do that, and even less that actually succeed.

It didn’t really bother me at the time, because I thought I’ll probably just be a system analyst or programmer; both of which I was studying for anyway. It’s not that I don’t enjoy organized schooling – because I do. Ever since I came to my college I enjoyed it so much and became really eager to learn. I even think that my school really hands “information” to us on a silver plate and that we should at least struggle a bit more to find it. We should be expected to read more and research more… but I guess I would be doing that on my own. Ever since I started doing ebusiness management (entrepreneurial business management – but really, who talked about entrepreneurs since we started?), I thought it would open up more career options for me. And I want a job that I’ll love. I want a job that will allow me to be creative, one that I will be so engrossed in that I don’t even realize how hard I’m working and how much energy I’m spending to finish what I’m doing.

But I dunno… I always thought I’d be a writer. No, I always thought of myself as a writer. I always said things like, “I’m a writer and this is what we do,” but that’s just it. Maybe I’m not a writer. I don’t even feel creative anymore, when once upon a time I used to. There was once a time when I said I enjoy doing essay questions in exams, but all I’m good at is spewing some random crap in organized sentences that probably keeps the reader entertained so I get graded on it. But actual writing? No, not in years.

I already lost my concentration and don’t really know what I’m trying to say anymore…I need to gather my thoughts and be myself again.

Anyway, I was out with Washi today and we were trying to decide at who’s house we should watch the new So You Think You Can Dance at. She said the disadvantage at her place is that it currently won’t be comfortable for hanging out { and I didn’t ask why } and the disadvantage at my place is that my tv sucks.
Washi: It has been years now, you need to get that HDTV we talked about
Me: Well…
Washi: Haven’t I nagged you enough? They’re cheaper now! They cost less than your purse does!
Me: I… will enjoy a purse more…
Washi: No comment

I was looking at some Juicy Couture charms earlier. Aren’t they just so cheery and summery? I doubt I’ll buy a charm again though…

I feel so silly! I kept thinking that my Strategic Management final was today (even though it’s not and I even made plans with a friend accordingly) but come yesterday…and I just forgot. Had an extremely restless night as a result. Time to go back to sleep!

Since I’m still sick I’ll let today be my last day off gym. I missed going to classes.

This was the cover I was using on my BlackBerry for a while… but now I switched back to the black silicon thing. I only hung that charm on it for like two days before I decided it just doesn’t work. As much as I love phone charm, my BlackBerry feels like too masculine for this. The charm now sleeps on my nightstand.

Today a classmate asked if I were the type of person that would see something bad happen and turn a blind eye. I said that it was difficult to say because although things bother me to the point of sleep-loss, I still won’t always speak up; or will take a long time to. Sometimes I think things are bigger than me, and at others I think that bigger people want these things to happen so even if I speak up nothing will change. But maybe that on its own is unethical. I’ve always thought that a person that will speak up or a person that will not be able to relax until they’ve spoken up whatever consequences followed – that person has a pure heart. Perhaps innocent and naive, but pure nonetheless.

For some reason, my mind went to an ethical issue going on at her workplace. It was something that she mentioned earlier in the semester and it just stuck because if I were in her shoes, I really don’t know what I would have done. But she then asked, “but what if this was happening to a loved one?”, I didn’t really want to pry into her personal issues but my question was, “what does this person think of what’s going on?” to which she answered that they do not know about it. I asked, “Are you sure?” but she was not. She said if she looked at things in another way, the person may very well have a good idea of what is going on and is merely choosing not to confront it. They could be using the situation to their advantage. But I don’t know. I am not sure what I would do. It depends on the person, how close I am to them, how openly I can speak with them and the situation itself. Where does one draw the line between “I think you need to hear this,” or “It’s better that you don’t know”?

I hope that whatever is going with her gets resolved and that she can finally find peace.

The experience itself (going to Abu Dhabi last week) was extremely eye-opening. Truthfully I have already made my peace with not being selected, or being selected and being forced to withdraw. Whatever happens happens. The trip was long and mentally exhausting, but worth it. It is a beautiful city with structures superior than any other in the Emirates. Gorgeous parks surrounded it, they were almost at every street as we drove inside it, which gave it an air of peace through the terrible heat. Meeting all the other students who made equal effort to be there was fun, they were all intelligent overachievers that truly deserved to be there. The interviews and activities that we attended only served to teach me more about myself. And you know what? I love it. I love me! If that’s all that I’ll ever get from this event, then I couldn’t be happier.

This day was lost on so many different things and I really should have been spending my time differently. Instead of actually starting what I am supposed to do, I keep having these thoughts of rearranging my stuff in my room; in other words, “Spring Cleaning”. So in the spirit of actually doing what needs to be done, and de-stressing, I thought I’d note it down here in a list (like I seem to do, every other semester…):

And then we’ll take it from there. Now I do realize this does not mean a thing to all you random people out there that might stumble around here, it even kind of weirds me out to go back to my old entries and read all those lists I used to make – but I have to make them somewhere to be able to get through my stressful times.

While I’m still in the mood to blog, I thought I’d talk about my recent experiences with the Nintendo DSi. Upon hearing of it for the first time, I was not even interested… and even more disappointed that it cannot do my laundry (inside joke). After trying one out for the first time every last night, I have to say I am intrigued! Or perhaps had too much fun with the camera features. Anything that allows me to see the screen better is a thumbs up for me, as well. But I don’t think I’m gonna go out and get one yet. I’ll probably make a more mature and thought-out decision when I’m done with my mid-semester stuff.

I have an awful headache right now but I’ll just say one last thing before I go. I got some of the Hello Kitty collection stuff from MAC… and now I’m interested in the upcoming Sugarsweet (it is not released here yet) but mostly for their sugarsweet shadesticks!

Some updates since I do not feel energetic enough for an actual post:

Breakfast at Paul’s just as it opened.

A strange occurance took place yesterday (starting the day before) and it made me realize that the human mind is able to percieve so much more than it actually knows. There really is no other way for me to explain this, unless I could just write it off as a coincedence; which really is not fun! The other day, I got home from class with a nagging feeling in my chest. Something was bothering me, something was missing and I could not quite put my finger on it. As a person not really in touch with my emotions, I thought that perhaps I was nervous about my presentation the next day – that I did not feel prepared. That I did not feel my group was prepared or even cared enough to prepare (but that’s another story). However, that night I had a dream. It did not make sense to me at the time but it revolved around the idea that I was confused, for some reason I did not know what the day or date was. Everything became chaotic for me because of that. The next morning as I looked through my things to see if I had everything and finally realized what wasn’t there. My agenda.

Thankfully, a classmate saw that it was left behind. She recognized that it belonged to one of us but was not sure who. I won’t see her till Sunday but I was glad that it wasn’t totally lost. I took it out of my bag in class to jot down some deadlines but I guess I forgot to put it back in. What really mistified me was: did I, on some level, know that I didn’t have my agenda? Does anyone even think this is possible?

When I was talking to the classmates I did see that day and telling them about the agenda being missing and asking if anyone had seen it, we got to talking about why I use an agenda anyway. They wondered if I started doing this in college. I didn’t have an actual agenda in my first few college years but I’ve always had a little notebook that I wrote down deadlines in. I told them that in highschool, I had an agenda that I used to remind myself of homework and such. But that was not the total truth (and I only remembered this later). When I was in the third or fourth grade, the school I went to distributed its own stationery, notebooks and so on. With all that mix they also had customized agendas that they made the students use. I don’t know if I was just too afraid to be yelled at or what, but I do recall that it was when I started using “agenda-types” religiously. However, it wasn’t till a few years ago that I started using actual agendas to note down more than just homework.

It might have helped me organize but now that it’s missing I keep worrying that I might have an appointment or something! Maybe having an agenda killed my imagination, and my ability to remember things! When I was a child, I used to imagine the days like they are on a calendar except they were more like film strip passing by. The background was dark beige. School days were light beige, and weekdays were grayish beige. Not very imaginative, huh…

This is a cake that my cousin brought over when she came by some weeks ago. Unfortunately, I never managed to try it. Isn’t the decoration cute, though?