It has been increasingly difficult to actually write my thoughts here when I’ve been using so many alternatives and replacements. There’s Twitter, TwitPic and The Book of Thoughts.

It’s been pretty nice out even though it’s hot…I am finally riding again since my trainer returned from vacation…our lessons have been pretty low-impact for now which works okay for me since I’m still struggling to get back into the riding shape after a few weeks off.

I am very emotional lately. I dunno if it’s because of my upcoming finals or the other things going on in my life. I have just been told by someone really important to me that I have turned into something I hate. It hurts even more when those loved ones think that you can do no wrong, that they consider you the most important in the world… that to them you are perfect no matter how flawed you are.

I dunno what other people think about this but I’ve always found it kind of rude if you are with a small group of people and keep using your phone to send messages or read messages or whatever. But it seems like everyone else is okay with it, in my culture anyway. Sometimes I am with two people and they are both on their phone texting. Being the third one sitting around doing nothing kind of made me feel uncomfortable…so I turned into one of those people too little by little. Not that it’s a bad thing, in the back of my mind it is still inappropriate, but it doesn’t make anyone a bad person. It used to make me feel like, “is my company that boring?” but now I know that it is not like that at all.

Here comes the fall though… now this is the trait about me that my loved ones dislike. They say that I am on my phone more than I realize. I always thought that I am keeping myself in check. When I was in AD last week all the girls I met had BlackBerries and they were commenting on how their families were complaining about how much they used their phones {all the time}. One girl even said that she had her BlackBerry in her pocket all the time even when she went riding, and whenever she heard her BBM beep she took it out and responded…and that was all the time…like even at the dentist. It baffled me and made me think, “I’m glad I’m not like that; it must be extremely tiring” but I guess it served me right… for that slight moment where I was maybe kind of judgmental I got served and it turns out that I am really no different. I mean I dunno. I never take my phone with me riding or to the gym. I am guilty of using it in school sometimes but it’s only in that one boring class that I don’t like. Am I really a bad person? Am I rude?

In preparation for my finals I did some cleaning and put some stuff on my computer desk { as shown on the picture below } to make working a bit more interesting… but it didn’t work…

Today a classmate asked if I were the type of person that would see something bad happen and turn a blind eye. I said that it was difficult to say because although things bother me to the point of sleep-loss, I still won’t always speak up; or will take a long time to. Sometimes I think things are bigger than me, and at others I think that bigger people want these things to happen so even if I speak up nothing will change. But maybe that on its own is unethical. I’ve always thought that a person that will speak up or a person that will not be able to relax until they’ve spoken up whatever consequences followed – that person has a pure heart. Perhaps innocent and naive, but pure nonetheless.

For some reason, my mind went to an ethical issue going on at her workplace. It was something that she mentioned earlier in the semester and it just stuck because if I were in her shoes, I really don’t know what I would have done. But she then asked, “but what if this was happening to a loved one?”, I didn’t really want to pry into her personal issues but my question was, “what does this person think of what’s going on?” to which she answered that they do not know about it. I asked, “Are you sure?” but she was not. She said if she looked at things in another way, the person may very well have a good idea of what is going on and is merely choosing not to confront it. They could be using the situation to their advantage. But I don’t know. I am not sure what I would do. It depends on the person, how close I am to them, how openly I can speak with them and the situation itself. Where does one draw the line between “I think you need to hear this,” or “It’s better that you don’t know”?

I hope that whatever is going with her gets resolved and that she can finally find peace.

The experience itself (going to Abu Dhabi last week) was extremely eye-opening. Truthfully I have already made my peace with not being selected, or being selected and being forced to withdraw. Whatever happens happens. The trip was long and mentally exhausting, but worth it. It is a beautiful city with structures superior than any other in the Emirates. Gorgeous parks surrounded it, they were almost at every street as we drove inside it, which gave it an air of peace through the terrible heat. Meeting all the other students who made equal effort to be there was fun, they were all intelligent overachievers that truly deserved to be there. The interviews and activities that we attended only served to teach me more about myself. And you know what? I love it. I love me! If that’s all that I’ll ever get from this event, then I couldn’t be happier.

Since I overslept and missed gym this morning, I decided that I finally have some free time to attend to my Spring Cleaning. I must be in a group of the strangest people in the world since I enjoy this…

I’ve been using my La Mer lip balm to the very last drop as it is the best I’ve ever owned, but I already have some replacements from the body shop and the tinted lip balms from MAC. I am wondering if I should slowly switch back to La Mer… I only have the lip balm, refining facial and toner now, and recall their products to be the very best I’ve ever used, although they are more costly than the norm … I’ve been a bit unhappy with my current stuff. However, the latest facial moisturizer that I’ve used (from La Prairie) has been exceptionally good, too. Maybe I should go to a store that sells both and get whichever costs less? Except I’m not too sure whether both brands exist under the same roof here. Then again, the organic products that my spa sells seem good too… I know it seems like such a ridiculous dilemma, but sometimes the facial products you use are the ones that make it look like a mess. And it is extremely hot here, it isn’t that much of an issue except I ride outdoors on weekends and will be doing so until the end of May.

This is another of the things that somehow gets twisted out of proportion in my head… my body image. If I used to weight less (a lot less) before I started exercising vigorously again, then it must mean that the weight I’ve gained is muscle weight, and I need that considering the issue with my joints. What I should be more concerned with is eating right rather than constantly guilt tripping myself for “gaining weight”.

To those of you that don’t know, I am known for having an extremely loud sneeze. Yesterday during my lesson it was kinda windy and it made me sneeze a lot. During the ride it was fine but then we went to graze our horses in a nearby grassy field…and when I sneezed (while on C’s back) he got scared and started to run away. It was SO hilarious, poor C! When I tell people that they say, “then how come you don’t get scared if he sneezes or coughs?!”

These are the magazines that I’ve been reading lately…

So tomorrow morning I have an important interview, so I decided it was probably a good time to spend relaxing rather than just doing the things that would get me frustrated; like going to a 3.30 class and having to wait an hour and 15 minutes for it to start. I had a lot of activities today, I was barely home. It was a lot of fun and I guess going dancing is really how I relax, even though it is getting somewhat redundant lately. Gonna have to try something new next time. I love Hawaiian the most but the music hasn’t really been supporting that style of dance. For further relaxation, I took a long bath and spent some time thinking about absolutely nothing… just taking in the scents of my scrub, shower gel and shower oil.

Before lunch I browsed some stores in search of my pair of pants and found nothing… I walked into Promod and they have a lot of lovely summer clothes but for some reason I didn’t want anything. I feel I have too much clothes that I never wear anymore, it makes shopping feel like such a waste. I need to start with my Spring cleaning but somehow I don’t know if this would happen any time soon…. I barely spend any time on my own anymore, and when I do, it is because of studying for exams or researching or writing reports. But I know I won’t rest till I’m done with Spring cleaning!

Before I go wash off my facial mask, I’ll leave you with my picture of the day. Well. It was a picture of a few months ago. Don’t you think these cards must be stimulating the economy somehow?

Today I am feeling kind of sad because I feel haunted by the past… and because of the people in my life now that know the past. I wish I could go back to ignoring it and just saying that “I don’t care what those people thought,” that “those people had so much chaos in their lives and were so self-centered that they thought a lot of things revolved around them,” – that they did not know me like they thought they did. I used to struggle with that thought so much; so much that I didn’t want to blog anymore, that I was afraid to write. Why did people assume they knew things about you that you didn’t know yourself from just reading your blog? Sure I write down any random things that come to mind, but really, do you expect me to to really get into the specific details of my daily activities, my deeper and more private thoughts? How can some random stranger on the internet presume to know something, and even claim that “everyone knows it – just because they don’t tell it to you doesn’t mean that they don’t know it,”. Moreover, why do these strangers even care? Do they have that much time on their hands?

Enough about that… I want to think about other stuff now.

This morning I went to a branch of L’Occitane and picked up a couple of stuff. For some reason these days when I buy lotions or shower gels or whatever, I always opt for the small sizes… maybe because I keep trying to convince myself that I like variety… but when I look in my bathroom and check my bath supplies, how many rose scented items have I owned over the past year? Although variety is good.. I guess it is also good to know what you like.

I actually needed to shop some more (from other places – I need a pair of sweat pants) but I didn’t really have the time. Since M’s classes for tomorrow morning were canceled…it was decided that there might be a person that would want to take me shopping! Well, the main event would be a meal but since there is a Zara, Promod, etc etc just a few floors under… why not!

Before I go off and start my night-time rituals, I just thought I’d express how overjoyed I am at how our rooms look now on poupeegirl! Even though it won’t last a very long time, I think I love it the most; along with the room from the 2009 Valentines Day event, and the items are just as cute. I am just waiting for some market releases right now…I hope the items I want for my poupee get released soon…

This day was lost on so many different things and I really should have been spending my time differently. Instead of actually starting what I am supposed to do, I keep having these thoughts of rearranging my stuff in my room; in other words, “Spring Cleaning”. So in the spirit of actually doing what needs to be done, and de-stressing, I thought I’d note it down here in a list (like I seem to do, every other semester…):

And then we’ll take it from there. Now I do realize this does not mean a thing to all you random people out there that might stumble around here, it even kind of weirds me out to go back to my old entries and read all those lists I used to make – but I have to make them somewhere to be able to get through my stressful times.

While I’m still in the mood to blog, I thought I’d talk about my recent experiences with the Nintendo DSi. Upon hearing of it for the first time, I was not even interested… and even more disappointed that it cannot do my laundry (inside joke). After trying one out for the first time every last night, I have to say I am intrigued! Or perhaps had too much fun with the camera features. Anything that allows me to see the screen better is a thumbs up for me, as well. But I don’t think I’m gonna go out and get one yet. I’ll probably make a more mature and thought-out decision when I’m done with my mid-semester stuff.

I have an awful headache right now but I’ll just say one last thing before I go. I got some of the Hello Kitty collection stuff from MAC… and now I’m interested in the upcoming Sugarsweet (it is not released here yet) but mostly for their sugarsweet shadesticks!